I sat down at a greasy chair to check my emails. Again the connection failed to connect me with the rest of the world and I noticed how bad I always want to stay in touch and don’t want to disappear.

We’re staying in a place called ‘Le Village’, a budget guesthouse in the middle of Kuala Lumpur. The first night was horrible, we stayed in a room attached right to the living room. Until really early in the morning we were bothered by drunk and stoned people. We just wanted to take a rest after a long drive, but it wasn’t going to happen that night.
We changed our room in the morning and I must admit, that morning I hated the place. It was noisy, dirty, warm and full with people who try so hard to disappear and blend away in the furniture. I couldn’t help thinking how sorry I felt for them. I thought there wasn’t a reason to try so hard.
After a day or two that thoughts became to fade and I realized that ‘Le Village’ should be a place where everybody must be unjudged and respected. So I stopped judging and started to like the place.

However in the six days we stayed there, we got to know it a little bit better. A lot of people come and go, but most of the people get stuck in the habit of staying. My thoughts came back. Even though I liked the place, the people who live there didn’t seem to be true to themselves, I don’t like that.
I found it strange that most of the ‘stuck people’ cook their own meals, while outside on the street you can get the best meals for less than when you buy the ingredients in the supermarket. So it is not a budget thing. I guess it’s all about feeling at home, when you’re not.
But it didn’t felt right. Why want to get stuck? My brother always sais ‘stopping is not moving at all’. That’s right. Getting stuck is not the way to disappear, getting stuck is only a way to fall back.
Fall back into someone you are not, fall back in staying when the best thing to do is, to leave.

I don’t want it but I think we found a way to disappear. We go places, we feel home, talk with people and leave quiet through the backdoor without leaving a mark. Nobody will notice we are gone. We disappear. So I guess I’m not scared about disappearing, but about getting stuck.

– I don’t want to get stuck, never.
Rik